A man (Timmy) sits on a medical table, staring blankly ahead . After a few seconds, a man in a military uniform (Col. Callahan) and a man in a lab coat (Dr. Antwerp) enter, in conversation.
Dr. Antwerp: I'll think you'll be very happy with the results.
Col. Callahan: Well, it certainly looks real.
Dr. Antwerp: And on the surface, it is indistinguishable from a human being.
Col. Callahan: But, he's got robot-y bits under the hood?
Dr. Antwerp: Yes, well, we did have to fit a lot in there to properly emulate human behavior. He can function as a human. Eat, make waste, breathe, sleep. But, as a robotic man he has an unfailing memory, programmable loyalties, advanced surveillance options, and a constant connection to the internet to allow for...
Col. Callahan: Yeah, yeah, turn him on. Does he have one of those robotic voices, like "Danger, Danger!" or "EX-TER-MI-NATE!" (laughing at his geeky references)
Dr. Antwerp: (under his breath) Only if he were meant to imitate your fat momma...
Col. Callahan: What was that?
Dr. Antwerp: Nothing! Now, let's give you your demonstration.
Dr. Antwerp flips a switch on Timmy's back, after a brief moment, he begins to move, taking in his surroundings.
Dr. Antwerp: Timmy! You remember me?
Timmy nods
Dr. Antwerp: Excellent, I wanted to introduce you to Col. Callahan of the United States Army.
Timmy (Moving to shake the Colonel's hand) Ah, Colonel, it's a pleasure to meet an officer. Is your penis big enough?
Col. Callahan: Excuse me, son?
Timmy: I said it's a pleasure to meet you. I trust the project has been moving along nicely if the military has been taking an interest.
Dr. Antwerp: Yes, very astute Timmy.
Timmy: Speaking of interest, are you interested in buying Rolex's wholesale?
Col. Callahan: What the hell is he on about?
Dr. Antwerp: Oh, that's just how he jokes. Programming a sense of humor is difficult.
Timmy: Yes! Making her come SO Easily! Become her Megadriller!
Col. Callahan: Seriously, is he all right?
Timmy: Virginal, wet and ready!
Col. Callahan: (grabbing Dr. Antwerp) Okay, what's this tin can's deal?
Dr. Antwerp: I don't know what you're-
(Col. Callahan pulls his fist back)
Dr. Antwerp: Okay! Well um, you see, the thing is, he um. Well. He doesn't have what you'd call a "Spam filter"
Col. Callahan: How bad is that?
Timmy: She kept sucking all night long!
Col. Callahan: Okay, bad. You mean to tell me that you built a 34.2 million dollar machine man, and you forgot a filter that my yahoo account has?
Dr. Antwerp: It's not the simple! We didn't forget!
Timmy: Free pills!
Dr. Antwerp: His code is built from scratch. It's like a big web, you tug one thing you meant to, and another twelve things shift.
Timmy: Shift your twelve inches of STEEL!
Dr. Antwerp: So, it's tricky business making proper software adjustments, and besides, Spam isn't idiot proof. Those assholes always find a way to send you ads for anything!
Timmy: Why are you telling me to Sheena! BurnFAT! Taking her by the Scruff!
(Timmy grabs the table and starts thrusting)
Col. Callahan: All right, all right. Can you get him to stop doing that?
Dr. Antwerp: Not without turning him off, the messages start bugging him out after a while. I'll switch him off, and I can give you a better idea of things with a spec readout.
Col. Callahan: That's a good idea. None of that schlock he's getting is worth listening to.
(Dr. Antwerp reaches to switch TImmy off)
Timmy: Jessica Alba HOME VIDEOS!
Col. Callahan: Waitasec doc.
(Dr. Antwerp stops, both the Dr. and TImmy look to the Colonel)
Tell me more, Timmy.
